Island2012 supposedly is opening tonight with a huge NYE bash.
Any of the people who joined this enterprise care to report back?
Here at FalseCasey HQ, we're planning to do a big fat nothing.
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Following the antics of Casey Serin, who does anything but tell the truth!
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So far it's been pretty sweet at the Island Resort. Check-in was fairly smooth although the clerk did seem to be annoyed by my constant questions about the room (Where are the beds? Where are the walls? Why is this just a patch of dirt?). Fortunately the general manager, Kasey Sullen (?), upgraded me to the Master Cleanse Suite which came complete with air mattress. He assured me that doors, walls, and plumbing were coming soon along with other good things.
Once we got to the room it was time to explore all that the island resort had to offer. The collection of pools was pretty good; my kids had no idea that a hole filled with muddy water could be so much fun. A minus: there weren't enough lounge chairs around, and the ones that were there all seemed to be filled by some kind of Russian family that had a preoccupation with dancing in cemeteries.
The big letdown at the Island Resort is the food. There is only one restaurant, and all it served was some kind of cayenne pepper/lemon juice/maple syrup cocktail which I did not care for at all. Oh, and they also formed poorly made birthday cakes supposedly shaped like an island.
One last piece of advice: stay away from the island favors.
Stay away from those mud puddles! I tried the restaurant and almost immediately needed to go. When I asked where the bathroom was, they just said they are on there way and in the meantime just find a hole in the ground
I checked in early yesterday morning, ready for the party later on. I haven't met many of the other guests yet, but there was a black guy surrounded by a party of Russian hookers doing some kind of martial art on the lawn. He looks like a lot of fun!
You must be staying at Rancho Cordova Bay. Check out the other side of the island - It's splendid.
No Ruskis or mud holes ... nothing but a quaint native village, sandy beaches and palm trees.
My highlights so far:
The Dewey Bay day spa - It's divine and I highly recommend the cucumber facial peel.
Meeting Angel Lynn - she manages village accommodation and is the person to see about coconuts.
Some of the strange island customs you might encounter include:
- Flushing a dollar bill down the toilet on your first day, to bring good luck
- Yarmarka Saturday: bbq meats (local marsupials and kangaroo) prepared by resident chef Ms Paycheck
- Sunday's rock concert. Okay, that was a little dull. Watching Casey and Steve Serin drumming on some stones wasn't exactly a highight, but next week promises to be bigger and better.
By the way, we're staying across from the tourist information center. Their slogan - "No problemz, mon" is a common catchphrase on the island.
No paper in the lavatory? "No problemz, mon. Use a stick".
No seats available for this afternoon's NRU seminar? "No problemz, mon. Plenty of reading material in the library" And so on.
Well, the sun is shining, everyone is dressed like a pirate, and I'm of for a dip in the sea.
Enjoy!
P.S. Who is the crazy guy, walking around with a sandwich board around his neck, demanding everyone "Get the hell off the island"? It'll never happen ...
Sweet. This island is the greatest business 2.0 networking experience. The complementary fax machine in my room delivers a steady stream of juicy nuggets.
The internet connection is great. I skyped Prince OlliuSukumiCukee of Nigeria to secure a sweet deal and it werked perfectly. No lag whatsoever, it was like he was in the room next door.
Like we just got there and there was nothing there at all but these hott chicks asking us if we had jobs or trust funds and giving us bong hits and warm lemonade and clean underpants.
They promised us all that we could share their tents if we'd be okay about getting married so we could upgrade to the penthouse suite, but that tent couldn't even deal with the thirty people in there already who paid $3200 for that place for a week. What a ripoff.
The real island of despair is here:
Aleksey & Anna Serin
7613 Sullivan Dr
Antelope, CA 95843
BTW, there's increasing speculation that Boi Blunder is either incarcerated or, at least, has been marginalized / disowned/ killed himself / whatever to the point where he has zero internet access. We just need "grate prufe".
The island, located in the Zubair archipelago off the coast of Yemen, was spawned last week by an undersea volcanic eruption, to which Casey already owned the rights (from his vast Goldspring profits which made him a millionaire late on Christmas Eve). The resort itself was still forming from the lava as it rose from the waves, but is now complete, if not yet fully cooled.
Casey didn't realize that 1/1/2012 fell on Sunday. Partying on Sunday violates his strict religious and moral principles, so he felt ashamed and locked himself in his room with a bong, a pirate costume, and a pitcher of Mai-Tais. He has not been heard from since.
The party, initially scheduled for three days' duration, ended prematurely because of the host's absence. Guests are queuing up at the submarine pen for transportation home, as Itsallgood, the resort's yacht, is unavailable because too many dollar bills were flushed down the head. The airstrip and helipad were created by the volcano, but sadly there were no helicopters nor airplanes included, clearly an oversight on the part of management.
"Mr. Funk", in all seriousness, have you had any phone/e-mail contact with our favorite failure within the past few months?
He hasn't posted anything to FB in months, nor has anyone in his family mentioned him over the same time frame. Text him, I say! Please confirm or deny that he's staying at the Gray Bar Motel!!
query: on the island, can one get a special massage from galina? can one procure the services of xtina as a 'comfort lady'? and what about the payphone bikini slut...is she on the island? my eagerness to visit is dependent upon the answers to these questions
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