Friday, August 29, 2008
It is not for the sensitive or faint of heart.
It is not for anybody under 18.
We pass it along as a public service. And yes, we're wondering about him too...
Dear Mr Serin:
What with the collapse/incarceration/etc of the majority of the Truly Funny Old Guard, it seems that nobody of any import has truly stepped in to provide a thorough analysis of this phenomenon that is the Short Bus Entrepreneurial Pump-n-Dump Glee Club. Thus, I am briefly setting aside my catalogue of pornographic links to address the situation as it stands.
As concerns Casey Serin, the proprietor of truecasey.com, I have a simple and modest proposal, that will be revealed in the course of this discussion, and the remainder of this missive is directed towards him and him alone.
Mr. Serin, what you fail to understand is that we here at CHC do not in any way, shape, or form care about what you think about QUick & Effortless Easy Riches (QUEER), passive income, OPM, GSPG, or any of the rest of it. This site is primarily for the discussion of forced male sodomy, and not a single one of your posts on any blog or message board has touched on that subject in the least. Clearly, given your dawning new sexuality, this is a topic we need to discuss. What follows is my proposal to you where we can come to an equitable compromise.
You are still a young man in his mid-20s with the physique of a teenager in high school. This is excellent, as it provides us with a base sodomy demographic for you. I would venture to guess that you have been unwillingly sodomized somewhere between 7-9 times in your life so far. Your religious preferences are a great help here, as if you had attended an all-Catholic boy's school, your browneye would be so stretched as to be useless to me. It also helps that you're not one of those blubbery watersacks who managed to have his mother write him a note to weasel him out of the physical education requirement so that you can spend more time in the library reading Rich Dad Poor Dad and tee-heeing to yourself in wet expectation. 7-9 times, however, is perfect for my needs, as my Scandinavian sausage is well-equipped to handle that.
I'd like to take a moment to talk about my cock, if I may, to familiarize you with the events that are about to take place. It resembles nothing in shape so much as a fire extinguisher; a red cylinder with a circumference about equal to a petri dish and as long as a regulation yardstick, networked with throbbing veins big enough to drive a Matchbox car through, and topped by a nearly luminescent magnificent red head, as big as a mid-size cantaloupe and covered in skin the consistency of #4 grain sandpaper. I could fit your little sister's arm in my urethra.
So I'll come over to your house, introduce myself to your Mom and talk a little bit about what I'm going to do to your anus, lay down some tarps on the floor, and commence what will no doubt be the crowning achievement of your life, even better than wrapping the Highland property. I will sodomize you like God was riding on my shoulder whispering instructions into my ear, Casey, and this is how it'll be done.
When i was dating a girl who rather enjoyed being fisted, the first thing I learned was how to 'make the ducky,' or shape your hand into a position that could slip into the vagina with the least resistance. Then, when entrance had been achieved, the position of the hand was changed to a fist to offer more stimulus. Unfortunately, my young ass-toy, my cock cannot make the ducky. It's just going to have to use brute pelvic force to stretch your brown-walled turd canal to it's utmost. You may wish to practice in the intervening hours with King Cobra malt beverage bottles, just to reduce the intense, searing pain a notch or two.
There will be pain, however, and I am not cruel. I will provide you with a damp rag to clutch between your teeth, muffling the grunts and lamentations from your mouth.
One would think that my pleasure would be reduced from this measure, but I must confess that I find the sounds of your rupturing colon and the gases escaping sufficiently erotic to continue my explorations. Once my cock has reached its limit, buried deep inside you like Grant in Grant's Tomb, the true sex will begin. You and I will bond like few men can, and I may finally come to know your affection for fraud, which I have never indulged in and never will, and you will begin to know the blinding joy of forced male sodomy.
And, as few people know (well, actually, lawnmower man knows, as my pimp, and Tracy of course, and soemdood from that time in the bunker when we both thought we were going to die, and Nigel and btc of course know after the events surrounding the first time we got together last year, and of course TheDude, and serinitis, Orson Buggy, allthingsgood, and Dumbfounded know as valued johns, and as Benoit™ knows because he's from the future and I fucked him), my penis is covered in a number of barbs, much like a dog's, and during coitus, these prevent my unit from slipping out of the blood-lubricated hole and disrupting my tearing rhythm. Upon orgasm, as pints of spooge rocket out of my pee-hole, burning through whatever they encounter like that burny stuff in the Alien movies, the barbs withdraw and my flaccid member can resume its rightful place in my pants.
Unfortunately, Casey, once I had worked my monster cock all the way up your digestive system, your effeminate, almost hairless disgustingness would make it impossible for me to ever have an orgasm again, and my penis would be stuck running parallel to your spinal column for the forseeable future. Of course, I'd cut your arms and legs off to lighten the load a bit, and have Nigel bring over the Makita power sander so I wouldn't have to look at your foolish face with the first little wisps of a moustache growing (and I've heard hair grows after you die, so I bet that thing'll look REALLY BITCHIN once you're super dessicated) and I'd just have to wait for you to rot yourself off of my dick, as I'll be damned if we're gonna do any cutting in there. Needless to say, this does not appeal to me.
Sadly, however, I see no other options. Best tell your mom I'm on my way. I'd like peanut butter sandwiches and a tall, cool glass of milk to be waiting for me. It's gonna be a long day.
- The troubles over at CH.c yesterday have turned out to be a troll, and apparently a good one. Buzzsaw and CHJTS are acting like they weren't fooled, it doesn't matter and it just shows how silly the Haterz are. FalseCasey agrees that it doesn't matter, because none of this does, but it has turned out to be quite funny.
- Akubi seems offended at not being allowed in on the joke. Chill girl.
- Our friend and ally Dolph has announced that the troll will be his last involvement in this saga for a while. We are sad to hear this, but understand that reality must take precedence over this silliness.
Now on to the news of the day:
TrueCasey posted this morning, stating that he can now be watched live from 10-5 on his stream. This has predictably turned into a bit of a troll-fest which he is ignoring. Primarily the viewers are able to view TrueCasey googling information and summarizing or in some cases cut-and-pasting it directly in to his e-book. In response to a comment, he counters that this is "original information." Yes, originally available on Google.
We continue to be unsure of what value he believes he is adding here, but we are reminded that he has little to no concept of value, as evidenced by his vdubs purchase, to mention all of his house purchases.
To add to the pathetic image, he is sitting in a t-shirt with the word "sponsor" written on it in big block letters. I suppose he thinks somebody will pay to have their logo on his chest. We at FalseCasey would more likely pay him to take our logo off his chest and never affiliate himself with us than use him as an advertising mechanism.
And that's the view from FalseCasey Headquarters, where we are still somewhat amazed by the rather historic events of the past 24 hours.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
FalseCasey can scarcely believe the garbage that spews from TrueCasey's mouth.
Blogging is a job? In what universe?
One of our circle knows a lot of successful and well-read bloggers. We know of none who make enough off blogging to generate much of a living. Granted, TrueCasey has an odd idea of what "a good living" is, but even so...
We note as we review their sites, that almost all of those successful bloggers use the blog primarily as a mechanism for driving attention to a real business that generates the big bucks. That real business usually takes 8-10 hours per day of real work. The blogging is just advertising.
So what's TrueCasey going to advertise? Where will the real money come from?
We have no idea.
But we do know that there won't be enough money from his blog alone to pay for him to move out of his parents' house, pay for his own car and insurance, get health insurance and buy food to meet his bizarre dietary requirements, let alone to make a dent in his huge debt.
His blog will never be more than a hobby. We are older than he, but will most likely not live long enough for him to realize that.
And that's the view from FalseCasey Headquarters, where we are somewhat captivated by history being made in Denver.
Those who sided with Dolph, including BelowTheCrowd and LMM could possibly be next. If prior purges are anything to go by, our own access might be eliminated by those who claim that we "don't contribute enough."
And that's the view from FalseCasey Headquarters, where TrueCasey is still noticably absent online.
Some difficulties this morning... Should be able to get going within an hour or two
FalseCasey's Translation: My internet access at home has been cut off, so I have to find someplace with a free hotspot to blog from.
We may update our opinion on this matter, but for now, that's the picture from TrueCasey Headquarters, where we note a hurricane heading towards New Orleans, and GSPG not doing much.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Some have speculated that his disappearance to a friends' house to watch Star Wars ended in a night of meth and gay sex.
While not discounting this possibility, we suspect the answer is simpler. He returned home to find that mama Serin discarded his laptop, disconnected his internet, and told him "not again under my roof."
Which, if true, would be the first time mama has shown any backbone in dealing with her boi-wonder.
And that's the view from FalseCasey Headquarters, where we sadly note that GSPG staged a late-day low-volume reversal and closed pretty much even.
FalseCasey will post quick summaries and replies to all posts on the TrueCasey-owned properties. To avoid giving TrueCasey any direct traffic, we will obtain those posts using the FalseCasey RSS reader. All Haterz™ are welcome to post and discuss here.
A note about our policies: This place is a dictatorship and not a benevolent one. We don't like trolls, racism, sexism, and lots of other isms. We don't like assholes in general. We will feel free to delete your posts or ban your account for no reason other than that you fucking piss us off. We will offer no explanation. If you're not smart enough to understand where you might be crossing the line, don't post here. CHJTS, that means you and your butt-buddies Monica and Star. Feel free to post and we will be free to cut you off, just like CHJTS did to everybody on all his shark-casts.
And that's the view from FalseCasey Headquarters where the market is up and GSPG is down.
As Edward Everett wrote to Abraham Lincoln the day after they both spoke at the dedication of the Gettysburg National Cemetery: "I should be glad, if I could flatter myself that I came as near to the central idea of the occasion, in two hours, as you did in two minutes."
He has no plans.
He learns nothing.
He has nothing to offer.
He couldn't tell us anything that was wrong with his "education."
He couldn't tell us one thing that he could have done differently to improve the outcome.
He couldn't tell us one thing that haterz recommended that might of resulted in a different outcome.
And he still claims that he'll have something useful to sell to people in financial distress?
He doesn't know why he failed, can't explain what to do differently next time, and expects to be lauded as a genius.
-BelowTheCrowd on CaseyHaterz
And we can only agree with WeWantTheFunk, who noted that
That is all anyone needs to know about Casey, right there.The problem is that the person that needs to know it most wouldn't understand what any of it means.
And that's the view from FalseCasey Headquarters, where things are pretty quiet and Law and Order is on.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
We view this rather differently.
Several haterz™ confirmed that the going price for that domain name yesterday was $500. What this means is that idiot TrueCasey, who has no verifiable source of income other than his lucky penny stock, just blew more than a month's rent because CaseySerin.TV was not good enough for him.
TrueCasey has acquired and discarded numerous domain names recently. These include:
He seems to have convinced himself that lots of domain names pointing to him is a good thing. This belief is mostly shared by a variety of spammers and sploggers who hope to catch anybody who mistypes a url.
He also seems to believe that the more he tweaks and perfects the names, the more traffic he'll get. In fact he seems to be obsessed with the domain names, the comments on his blog sidebar and all sorts of other minutia.
We happen to be typing this in the bathtub this evening, and looking around, we see numerous imperfect names that certainly could be improved upon by a qualified marketing individual. After all, is the Dove we soaped our privates with a moment ago really a great brand name for a cleaning product? Doves and pigeons are fucking filthy creatures! What idiot thought of that name? How about the white roll of cellulose fiber just a few feet away from our heads? Charmin? What a dumb name. Somebody could have perfected it. And don't get us started on Q-tips as the name for something to wipe your ears with. or Aveeno as something to put on your skin to avoid sunburn and skin cancer.
Yet the marketing professionals at P&G, Unilever and J&J, each of whom knows more about branding that a million
monkeys TrueCaseys in a million lifetimes will ever learn, somehow leave these names and their associated logos alone. And if you look them up on the web, you'll usually find one, and only one link to them.
Even out computer, whose marketers are possibly more web-saavy than those at the afformentioned companies seem to opt for a single point of web presence. To find out about our operating systems you can either go to Microsoft.com or Windows.com. That's it. And the laptop itself can be found at Dell.com. Information about the processor is at Intel.com. That's the way they want it. They've built value around their brands, so they don't want to pollute them by switching things about, pointing all sorts of other domain names to them, or any of the other crap that TrueCasey excuses as "SEO," which in his alternate universe always seems to equate to "spamming."
Marketers develop brands, and then they run with them, push them, promote them, to the point where it doesn't matter that the name or phrase isn't perfect. Nobody thinks about it because "Dove" eventually does come to mean soap, "Q-tip" does mean the thing that you wipe your ear with, and Windows (now there's a really dumb name, when you think about it) does mean a crappy operating system that unfortunately you can't do without unless you're a linux-geek like Tavington, which we suspect is just a marketing name for somebody else too.
Getting that brand recognition requires work, persistence and perseverence. If you've got that, then slight variations to the name don't matter so much. But it can be so much easier and more fun to just keep changing names, changing directions, and calling it "SEO."
And that's the view from FalseCasey Headquarters, where our private parts are well soaped, but our brain still requires a bit of mind-bleach after watching TrueCasey live last night.
- Casey says that he's going to write an e-book to help people in foreclosure, because he's been there and apparently believes he has valuable lessons for them. He tells us that the lessons are so valuable that people will actually pay to read them.
- He also tells us that he really doesn't know if or how things might have worked out differently if he had taken some of the haterz™ advice way back when.
- He then tells us that he also doesn't really know and doesn't care to talk about whether or not the advice he got from his guruz was any good. He says some of them entered into "grey areas" and some others were good. He doesn't care to tell us which is which.
- Finally, he tells us that he's not going to worry about the past, he's going to look to the future, itsallgood™.
So we wonder which it is?
Does Casey have some truly important lessons that somebody should want to pay for? If so, how come he can't name one thing he should have done differently or even speculate about how things might have turned out if he had actually done some of them. And how come he can't tell us which of the advice he received was wrong?
Or is Casey just going to pull together a bunch of public-domain information from the web, stick his name on it and hope it sells as a result of his own presumed notoriety?
We think the latter, and of course we think he'll fail. The only people who care about him anymore are all haterz and trolls. His inbound links from years gone by are going to be worthless. And since he's never saved a single house from foreclosure, he's not going to have much credibility.
And that's the view from FalseCasey Headquarters, which we own debt-free.
Do you sometimes doubt that TrueCasey isn't always all that truthful?
Come here for an alternate look at TrueCasey.
This blog will be updated sporadically.